Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize