the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
