the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
