I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
