My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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