My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
