Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
