This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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