chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
