Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think I sprained my soul last night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
