How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
