Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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