he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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