Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
