Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
