Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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