Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
