this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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