we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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