I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
