As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
