my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
