I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
