do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
