I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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