All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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