I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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