batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
