i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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