he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
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so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
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This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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