mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
