Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
