Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
