i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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