i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
