i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
