I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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