The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
