____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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