careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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