Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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