I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
