What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
