so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
