I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
