How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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