It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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