I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
