I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
