Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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