I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
