You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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