You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
