new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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