I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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