Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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