My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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