Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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