I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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