Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
