I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
