i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
