East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
