Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
