im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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