She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
