remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
