if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
