Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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