yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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