What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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