He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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