I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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