I puked a lego.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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