he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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