Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
