im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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