Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
