her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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