I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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