what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
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You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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